“Banana!” “Ang moi!”

With Chinese New Year beckoning around the corner, I am absolutely one hundred percent certain that I shall be forced to endure nicknames like those above, be it from family or friends. Relatives will, once again, conveniently forget my lack of ability to speak the particular Chinese dialect they use to talk to me. Once again, I will have to listen to an ejaculation of surprise from them at my weakly muttered, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand…” which will duly be followed by a happy conversation revolving around my being a banana. Yes, a banana.

The usage of the word for this type of person means, colloquially, a Chinese person who speaks English fluently but is ignorant when it comes to speaking their native tongue. Why a banana, you might ask, and not an apple or an orange? Well, this is entirely due to the fact that Chinese people apparently have slightly yellowish skin. A banana refers to someone who looks Chinese but is `white’ on the inside; that is, speaks English and does not know the Chinese dialects.

Being a banana is not a good thing, trust me. I have suffered endless embarrassment and annoyance because of it. I was once sitting with two of my father’s friends who chose to ask me a question in Mandarin. True to form, I mumbled my usual reply of being sorry, but I did not understand what they said. Aggravatingly, they laughed and continued speaking to each other in Mandarin! Talk about rude.

I have tried to learn Cantonese, one of the most frequently spoken dialects in Malaysia among the Chinese community, but it was a disaster. My basis relied solely on what I picked up from television shows and snatches of my parents’ conversations. As a result, my pronunciation and accent were atrocious and led to several misunderstandings by other people. Since then, I have only picked up words I hear often and my conversations do not involve any Chinese dialect whatsoever. I know I really should try my best to learn at least the foundation. After all, it is a fundamental part of being a Chinese in Malaysia.

Any recommendations are greatly welcome, if just to rid myself of that ambiguous nickname of banana!