This game is the exemplar of why plots can sometimes ruin the fun.

Imagine you and your ‘friends’, or the people you hang out with, get together for a game of bowling. Only, your companion/lackey thinks that the game needs a story. While you’re playing, he’s spewing out an interminable chain of piffle whereby Bob the kamikaze bowling ball saves the world against the kingpins of villainy with his strikes against evil. That pretty much sums up the campaign mode of Unreal Tournament 3 and its extensive use of pre-rendered cut scenes, which are as stimulating as watching a game of bowling unfold.

The game starts out as humanity in the future, where the military dons nothing but papier-mâché armour and hold guns just for show. This is Epic Game’s subtle sign of saying, ‘Oh dear, I hope nobody attacks the humans now in such a vulnerable state.’

Attack the humans they did, for in comes the Necris, a race of stereotype Predator-esque aliens with high ambitions as galactic dictators and decide to enrol in the Academy of One-Dimensional Villainy.

Lesson number one: Embark on a human-eviscerating massacre of the entire race for no apparent reason. Check.

Lesson number two: Destroy the entire capitol leaving only one person who happens to be the saviour of humanity alive. Check.

Lesson number three: Kill the man’s parents as incentive for him to exact some vengeance. Check, and with flying colours.

Now that the Necris has paved the way for the debut for our protagonist, we are placed into the boots of a respawn-filled gladiator with the apparent ability of instantaneous resurrection using a respawn generator, a technical marvel only he himself can utilize for who-knows-why.

The game goes to great lengths to pretend that capture-the-flag matches are something more than just capture-the-flag. Well, everything’s mostly the same, really. There are still the same symmetrical levels, the penalty-free deaths, the hyped-up announcer yelling ‘Play!’ when the battle starts, and the sportsman-like opponents who willingly submit defeat whenever you capture their ‘banner devices’ three times. Only this time, everyone acts as if this is some sort of epic war against an unstoppable force. The result is just about every bit genuine as role-playing King Arthur against the mighty dragon in a game of baseball.

I can’t believe I’m saying this but not every game needs a story. Frolicking about with a rugby ball is highly amusing, but weaving the faux illusion that you’re some sort of Robin Hood having just stolen the Magical Football of Youth with a posse of buffed-up cultists hot on your heels is just going a little too far.

I’m not saying Unreal Tournament 3 is a bad game. On the contrary, it is in fact highly recommendable. It’s just the bleak single-player mode that tries to be something bigger than it really is that pops the little bubble of euphoria and make you realize that this time Epic Games may have really overdone it.

Rating: ★★★☆☆ -- Fair